Episodically Extraneous

March 21, 2011

Episode one: Internal Monologue at the clinic

Filed under: Uncategorized — Schafe @ 00:52

He asks me if I’m listening, a faint tone of disapproval in his voice. He thinks my attention has wondered, he thinks he held it in the first place. That arrogance of his is a problem, one endemic of his profession, of his species even. Silly human doctors and their inflated sense of self-worth. I smile at the observation as I look at him, he misreads it as a smile towards him. ‘As I was saying, part of this problem might be how you are thinking. You said you find it tiresome to have to interact past people. Human interaction isn’t a hurdle to overcome, you interact with people, it’s a shared experience where you work together to both gain from it.’ His eyes bulge with expectation at the climax of his revelation, it could be hope but the man is a doctor, a doctor of psychiatry no less, he expects me to respond with awe or some other similarly reactive sentiment at his insight. I should be marvelling at how a turn of phrase I used answering his questions led to such an incisive conclusion. I should be vowing to change my ways and thanking him. I could be making process at getting out of this place if I do these things I should do. But I am not here to interact my way beyond this doctor, beyond this facility into freedom. I should be engaging with him so that we both benefit from this interaction, it’d be a falsehood to let him think he helped me, it’d just bloat that ego of his further, and his face is hideously enlarged as it is. Further head swelling would do this doctor no favours. The thought of the unfavourable swelling of the head makes me laugh; some people have noses that can be hypothetically enlarged in the most hilarious ways.  The laughter is confusing, to him more so than me. It wasn’t the expected response which always worries doctors. Fatalities occur when a doctor doesn’t expect the response that happens, not so much with shrinks though but it wouldn’t do to burst that bubble. It’d be impolite, I am meant to be engaging with him, cooperating towards mutual gain. I still don’t know what to say, beyond giving the man what he wants so he can leave here under the delusion that he achieved something the only words my mind can provoke a coarse and foul. Sometimes my brain won’t make readily available the tools needed to achieve my aims, sometimes it wishes to indulge in its sense of humour. I can’t blame it, the doctor is painfully dull. Maybe that is the problem; he isn’t pulling his weight in this interaction. Giving me anything to work with, even his big point about interacting with rather than past people is nothing but a hindrance, forcing me to sit here before the expectant bulge of his smug eyes. How can I respond under the scrutiny and pressure of that gaze anyway? This can’t be fair. I rue giving him my attention now. The bird in the tree beyond the window has gone. I can’t stare enviously at a tree and its freedom. That’ll make the impasse longer and less fun. ‘Julius’ the doctor cracked first. So eager to have his expectations met ‘what do you think about that, Julius? What I just said?’ It can’t just be me that finds this pathetic? It’d be some sort of disservice to my very being to humour such pitiful neediness surely? I close my eyes and do the only thing left for me to do to keep myself entertained for the last ten minutes of my session before the nurse takes me to my room. I whistle show tunes, part of me hopes the doctor will sing along and interact with me for once rather than at me.

Episodically Extraneous a fresh start.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Schafe @ 00:49

At some point I’ll be shifting to a proper domained version of this concept type thing but waiting until I have the time, money and sex appeal to achieve such an aim to get on with this isn’t going to do anything but waste time.


So here I am starting a fresh from here now. I deleted all the whiny/political/personal stuff that overcame this place before. To be honest I know too many people on the internet and have already had (by now really old) early attempts of blogging about stuff ruined by parents who stalked me on the internet and then emailed me about stuff I wrote to really be comfortable with spewing forth too much of my soul onto the internet like spunk onto a tissue (it’s 12:31am all my metaphors for the next hour will involve masturbation).

Anyways I wrote a little ditty, today, nothing special but I kinda still like the thought of having somewhere to publish the random bits of floatsom, jetsom and whatever it is the navy calls it when someone wanks over the edge of a ship (I didn’t think through the declaration involving masturbation in all metaphors I made the paragraph above, not that’d you’d have guessed. I am just ruining all the magic aren’t I? Well you aren’t in disneyland anymore dorothy and I’ll leave you to fit in a good wank between disneyland, kansas and Oz because if I were to make a third explicit one in this post it would set a filthy tone for the rest of the blog). Extraneous Episodes if you will, most of these will be unedited and raw because I’m a lazy fucker. It’ll be handy cos I do kinda like writing but don’t publish enough of it or get enough feedback or what not and what not and those who know me may know that I occassionally pitch send things at some editorial types and this one time, this one guy totally asked me for the full story and then I wrote the story and I am still waiting to hear back about it and most of the time I forget about it until someone I know decides to ask me about it which I mostly hate not because it brings on nerves but mostly because I don’t like the people I know and dealing with them and their stupid lives and innane questions which are born out of genuine interest in my life IS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD EVER.


So the writing thing is kinda important so yeah this is going to try and get a bit more closer to it’s inital conceptive purpose. But don’t be worried if whiny/political/personal stuff comes up,  I had a fucking personal tangent and a half earlier, you may have noticed, it’s the one where if you know me (and likely you will if you read this near the time of it’s publishing before I become super-mega-famous because of that sex-video) I’ve likely been slightly mean towards you (don’t take it personally and blow it out of perspective you bastards). Yeah that one. No it wasn’t my finest moment. Fuck you, if you don’t have anything nice to say Fuck off.

Yes that was one half of an imaginary conversation I had with a hypothetical stand in for you my audience member. A fun game would be to try and think of clever witty things to say on your half and see how the conversation scans. If you think you have a good one, put it in the comments please my dearest audience.

There should be some sort of snappy ending to this but I am rubbish so there isn’t.

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